The Hipster VS. The Frat Guy

Either way, they both have great hair.

Do me a favor. Turn on your TV. Now, if you flip to anything that was made in the last few years, you'll notice something crazy. Asymetric hair. Tight, form-fitting jeans. Western shirts. Fedoras. That's right, ladies and gentleman. There is a new sheriff in town. And this cowpoke ain't wearing boots without Chuck Taylor's name printed on it. He's replaced the six-shooter with a pack of smokes and replaced his trusty steed with a fixed-gear road bike. It's the Hipster, and he's in charge now.

He's not in charge, you say? It's still the archetype male who's stealing your girlfriend? And now she's dating Chad, who's dad totally owns the biggest Mercedes Dealership in East Miami. When he's not on his boat [and sporting Guy Harvey, bro], Chad's hittin' up the bars in his best polo, scooping up girls like the counter clerk at Ben & Jerry's. He doesn't give a fuck about these Hipster kids invading his terf, 'cause he's met Jen, Jennifer, and Jenny and they are all DTF, bro.

So is it the Hipster or the Frat Guy who's laying down the law? Is it the dominant Alpha Male or the sensitive Beta Male? Let's analyze the situation:

In the Work Place

When it comes to making the big bucks, the Frat Guy has got it covered. If there is one thing the Frat Guy learned in College, it's networking. The whole idea of Fraternal Life is developing connnections between seemingly unrelated folks and unifying them into one entitity. Synergy is a word often used in business practice, and that's exactly what makes the Frat Guy excel. It's not a lone pair of boat shoes that rolls into a situation and beats the opposition. It's Sir Isaac Newton's Bro Swarm Theory, hypothesizing that the Brotherhood is much stronger than each individual Bro. Bro-nergy. In the business world, this is probably the key factor in getting ahead: adaptation to the culture and surroundings, infiltration into the inner workings of the institution, and then exhaust all your resources in order to garner enough popularity to get to the top. This is why the most powerful people in the country are all Masons or Skull & Bones people. Love it or hate it, Frat Guys rule the world.

On the contrary, the Hipster takes a seperate approach. Success is often attained through unorthodox methods for the Hipster. In fact, his whole being is unorthodox. While this doesn't translate well into most workplaces, developing a completely unique way of doing things has the potential to turn the outcasted into the outstanding. This is most often found in unconventional careers that rely on a touch of flair for success, like photography, art, and [in most cases] music. While this doesn't normally end in heavy pockets for most people who attempt it, this it the bread and butter of the Hipster Ideology. But in accordance to Albert Einstein's Hipster Paradox, if you have a million people turning towards the unconventional, then you create a seperate majority of conventional Hispters, which is exactly what is happening today. Thus, being different does not hold as much weight as it used to, creating an entry barrier for all who try to become one of the Hipster Elite, or as I call them, "Super-Douches". Any douchebag with a Macbook can record his new indy acoustic folk project, but you have to harness something completely new in order to impress the new mainstream un-mainstream. And the biggest problem with that? They will betrray you once you are listened to by enough "lame" people. But, like, whatevs. Life's a cunt. And unfortunately for the Hipster, your career is a cunt too.

Love and Sex

*Sigh* To be young in love. This post-sexual revolution ideology that love is the purpose of inter-gender relations is probably the main contributor to the Hispter's success. The beta male, for the most part, was not meant for procreation in early times. With Darwinism in full affect, only the biggest, baddest chimp saw any type of success. And the lone chimp making banana sculptures in his windowless tree canopy didn't see much action. But the addition of modern birth control methods and the relative lack of morality towards promiscuity has turned sex into something more than a means of creating little half-clones of yourself, but rather into a hobby. And thus, when you eliminate the instinctual need to have a family and pursue the best genes, you create something else to validate sexual urges: love. Sex isn't for marriage, or for kids, but a bond created because you are "in love", or some crazy notion like that. Enter the beta male Hipster, the soft, sensitive type who will watch old 80's Rom-Coms with you while you're in your PJs. He knows how to cook, he writes poetry, he plays guitar --- he's so romantic! But he's edgy, because his issues are left out in the open like his floppy bangs. It's just like the movies! And in the E! News, MTV generation that we live in, romance like the movies is exactly what gets the laaaaadies. So grow out your hair, pick up a guitar, and start brooding fellas, because it's time for the banana sculptor to have his day.

The one disadvantage of the Hipster is that he has to work harder to find romance. It's about the emotional and intellectual connection. Thus, the advantage of the Frat Guy is that he doesn't need any of that. In fact, he strives to stay away from it. As opposed to the Hipster, the Frat Guy doesn't need to connect Sex with Love. Sure, it may happen, but is it a neccessity for success? No. Going to a bar and finding the drunkest, easiest thing is the main perogative, and as each shot courses through some lucky girl, the Frat Guy gains momentum. He's clean, outgoing, and ready to buy her drinks and tell her how Fuckin' Hot she looks in her new pumps. While the Hispter sits idly at the bar talking to the bartender about how much auto-tune has ruined "real" music, the Frat Guy is buying pitchers of cheap beer with his Bros and getting all the girls to play Quarters with him. All the hours in the Gym trying to look like "The Situation" have paid off, and before you know it, those Vegas Bombs are going to hit some hot new Freshman and Chad will be there to make sure she gets home safe.

The Bottom Line

When you look at the big picture, the differences between the Hipster and the Frat Guy are pretty broad. This has probably gone on since the dawn of society. The Bard VS. the Knight. The Philosopher VS. the General. The Beatles VS. The Broncos. Still today, the two groups have some deep-seeded, instinctual hatred for one another. I've seen it over and over in my days. Having been on both sides of the spectrum throughout my life, I have witnessed the rivalry unbiasedly and it's astounding how much animosity there is between the two cultures. Frat Guys yelling at Hipster's for being different. Hipsters yelling at Frat Guys for being all the same. The battle continues on.

The truth is, in the end we are all looking for the same thing. Everyone is living life to the fullest, trying to figure out where the hell they are and where the hell they are going. We all are looking for fun, success, and love in some shape or form. Some smoke American Spirits and hit up dive bars to watch their closest friends try to make it in music. Some people find a group of likeminded friends they can get along with and go through the fun parts of life surrounded by the ones they really do consider Brothers. There's no reason to hate each other.

I propose a new movement towards becoming the "Fratster". There is no reason why a person can't be intellectually stimulating AND be outgoing. There is no reason why a guy can't pick up girls at a bar AND find room for romance. There is no reason that someone can't pursue their talents AND try to succeed in the work world. It's all about balance. So next time you see me, I'll be smoking Cigs and drinking pitchers of cheap beer, playing quarters at the bar right after my friend's band gets off stage. I'll turn to the Hipsters and the Frat Guys and accept both of them. When it comes down to it, it's hard to figure out the world today. It would be much more fun if we try to do it together.